By Kate Curry
Sleep training and self-care. One might argue that these concepts have very little to do with each other. However, as someone who is versed in both, I disagree.
When I was training to become a Marriage and Family Therapist, one thing that was consistent throughout almost every graduate class was self-care. We continuously learned how important it was to remember to care for ourselves.
As a therapist, you would be constantly working on helping other people manage their emotions, make decisions, reflect on their behavior, and learn and grow as human beings. Sound like any other job you know? Ahem, moms and dads, I’m looking at you.
For me, I’ve always seen parenting as a lot like being a therapist to these little people in your home. Except that you are on ALL THE TIME. There is no moment when the client’s hour is up and you get to take a breath and regroup from such a heavy session. This is your life.
So if therapists need to practice self-care, then so do parents.
In relation to sleep training, I find there are two aspects of self-care to think about. One is self-care during the sleep training process. And two is sleep training as self-care.
I know you’re thinking, “But how could sleep training BE self-care? Isn’t there change, some crying, and people feeling a little uncomfortable with starting a new routine and having to stick with it?”
And the answer is yes. But I think that’s also half the people who decide that they are going to be healthier in the New Year, too. And most people would consider going to the gym or eating healthy as self-care, too.
Sometimes self-care is a little more challenging up front than hitting the spa or getting your nails done. Working out, eating healthy, meditating, journaling, for example, can all be challenging to get started in the beginning. Yet, once in a good routine, the self-care aspects are so clear and wonderful. I think sleep-training your child falls into the same category.
Besides the numerous health benefits of getting more sleep (like staying alive for longer, for instance), there are other self-care benefits you can get when your child can fall asleep independently.
One example is a peaceful evening and a time to connect with your child. When a solid bedtime routine is in place, it can become a time that both parent and chid look forward to. It’s a beautiful time to connect at the end of the day.
Another instance is the time after your child falls asleep in their own bed independently. Most likely, you still have a couple of hours to be awake. Think of the possibilities!
- Spending quality time with your partner
- Reading a book
- Taking a bath/shower
- Catching up on your TV shows
- ME time
It’s life-changing.
Recharging your YOU battery and remembering who you are as an individual will help you be a better parent overall.
The second part of self-care and sleep training is self-care DURING sleep-training. It’s helpful to think about sleep-training like going to the gym. It’s something you know you should do, but it’s hard in the beginning and sometimes it’s uncomfortable. You may want to quit. Yet once you get into a good rhythm and routine, you start seeing all the benefits that come from it.
So what can you do in those moments when you want to quit? Here are some things that I have found to be helpful for families:
- Mindfulness
- Mantras
- Getting support
- Writing
Mindfulness is a beautiful thing. It is the ability to be fully present in any situation and accept what is happening in that situation. I will be honest that it can take some practice to get used to.
I hope you’ll hear me out for a moment about mindfulness. I used to think it wasn’t for me, also. When I was younger and in a phase of reading a lot of self-help books, I would read over the synopsis beforehand and if I saw the word “meditation,” I knew that wasn’t the book for me.
Fast forward a few years, and I have come to look forward to a daily meditation. And I’m not some yogi or anything like that, just a regular person. I use one of those apps where someone tells you what to do (or not do) for about 10 minutes and that’s it.
This practice has helped me be present in my daily life, which can really help in times of discomfort or trying something new (like the first few nights you implement a new sleep plan!). I certainly recommend consistent meditation for everybody, but parents in particular.
Here’s one quick exercise you can do to become more fully grounded in this moment:
- Think of 1 thing you can taste
- Think of 2 things you can smell
- Think of 3 things you can hear
- Think of 4 things you can feel
- Think of 5 things you can see.
This forces you to be in the now. And try not to judge what you come up with. Just notice it and accept it.
Practicing this will help you learn how to be present more easily. Being present makes it easier to manage new things!
Another way to practice mindfulness is simply breathing. Just focus in on your breathing and how it feels when the air is going in and out. This is a great thing you can do with your child during a bedtime routine or if you’re in the room supporting them while they learn to sleep.
Mantras are a great (and quick!) way to remind yourself of your goals and stay on track even when things become a little difficult. If you’re beginning a new sleep plan, I would encourage you to say your mantra first thing in the morning, during naps, and at bedtime.
You can make up your own, personalized mantra or use one of these:
- I want my child to have healthy sleep habits now and for the future.
- It’s okay for my child to protest change.
- I want my child to learn this new skill, even if it’s difficult at first.
- I am a better parent when I am well-rested.
- I can be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Making changes in your life can be hard. Making changes that impact everyone in the whole family can be even harder. Yet the rewards that come with big changes are plentiful.
Taking care of yourself during these big changes will help you get to the other side more quickly and easier. And if you’re lucky, you’ll even learn something about yourself that you can use next time a big change comes up!